There's a grand deception in the D/s world. Well if not a deception a major misconception. Conventional wisdom says there are 1000's of sub males for every Domme. I say no, in fact, I think the rato of REAL Dommes to REAL subs is reversed. I think there are not enough sub males.
Hear me out...
Check out kink friendly social connection sites, like Collarme. You'll find many posts that show a growing frustration from superior Ladies who are in contact with so called "subs" or "slaves". and then a month or two later they are posting ratns about the "flakes and phonies on this site..." This is the norm, not antecdotal.
My theory is this: There are 1000's of fantasy life male subs and VERY few who are able or willing to put it into a lifestyle. It requires, cocnetration, faith, fortitude, bravery, chastity and abondonment of all that is comfortable. It all reuqires near infinate trust.
Likewise, there are many Dommes who crumble when put to the test. To top it all off, putting kink into the vanilla realm as is required for a true realtionship takes balance and epic devotion from both parties.
I'd be interested in your thoughts. How many men are really willing to become bitch silly cock suckers for a bad ass dame? And how many dommes are willing to train and disicpline and torture a pet? Its a lot of work, and whose to say he won't disappear after all your hard work?
Posts
Hmmm ... I think it just depends a lot on how you define a male sub for you. I think there is a wide variety from a play sub to a 24/7-slave.
ReplyDeleteAnd it is the same with dommes, in my perception!
I agree -- a lot of men in my experience who think they are or want to be male subs really want women to tie them up or fuck them or spank them on their own terms, but don't really have it in them to surrender to Her will and Her desires when they don't match with their own.
ReplyDeleteYes, many men are tunnel visioned when it comes to thinking they are a slave/sub. They only see the sexual aspect of it when it is so much more. And on the other hand some women just want too much from a sub but aren't willing to give up enough.
ReplyDelete*sigh* I guess it's still dating and relationships no matter how you slice it.
When it comes down to it - a relationship whether it is vanilla or on the extreme edge of kink takes patience and effort. The greatest pressure is on the Domme - if she requires too little, the subby gets bored. If she asks for too much, too quickly, the subby rebels.
ReplyDeleteThe fantasy aspects of the situation are certainly enticing. The primary driving force for a Domme is CONTROL. It is a very powerful aphrodisiac. Will subby surrender control - put his fate into her hands? Will he allow himself to be molded until he meets her expectations?
There are far more Women who would love to be in Control then there are subbys willing to relinquish it. Whether it works individually for any relationship is a matter of effort and practice.
Shall we begin practicing now? A simple 'yes' is all it takes...
Miss D
/Beautifully Put Miss D. Almost poetic!
ReplyDeleteMistress L, isn't it the truth, no matter how one practices the "art", we're still humans struggling along...
Ed, thanks for you simpatico thoughts. Maybe you're one of the precious few true?
Thomas, point well taken. But many sub males claim to be willing to do "anything", and usually are willing do very little.
The mistake men make is focusing on sex and assuming that everything else will follow somehow as if by magic. The mistake women make is assuming that a man's sex drive will deliver the whole person.
ReplyDeleteUltimately the success of the relationship relies on honesty, trust, and good intentions over a long period of time by both people. In other words: friendship first and foremost. This requires that each be worth the other, and this cannot be determined from a profile.
Very Sincerely,
The Galchemist
I always considered myself sub, but have been very surprised as my wife took on more of a dominant role. And it was in a number of different ways. I spend a lot of time doing housework, it is endless and reduces my time available for other things. I am a better sub when I am denied so the frequency of my orgasms is way down. And finally it took a lot of soul searching to truly put her happiness and enjoyment way ahead of mine.
ReplyDeleteMost of the ones that say there are so few sub males. What they actually mean is, so few money slaves, to give, give, give, and never meet me. hahaha
ReplyDeleteI love your pic.
ReplyDeleteI love your pics.
ReplyDeleteThank you
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This blog seems to have gone silent, which is a pity.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, as an aspiring male sub for some 20 years, I can tell you... when a Mistress starts claiming that the sub is not really into it, 99% of times the real reason is that she has been taxing the poor guy with unreasonable demands, usually of a financial nature, from the word go.
I tried many times to start a Femdom relationship. No way.
The truth is that if a woman accepts to indulge in domination it is not because she actually derives pleasure from it (bar occasional bemusement-giggling) but because she thinks she can take advantage of male needs.
I've been asked to give half of my earnings after a WEEK of relationship and ONE session.
I've seen three salaries of mine disappear in the first month of knowledge.
I've been made to skip work to run idiotic, non-urgent errands, BEFORE an encounter came.
Note that I'm afraid of nothing, sexually, and would have married these women if they had shown even slightly reasonable.
But they were not.
Women are not used of thinking of power in terms of strategy. Their idea of power is screaming "I WAAAAANT" like spoiled princesses.
It doesn't work.
When age and fat kick in, they become more amenable... but who wants them, then?
Look at the pics of cuckolding-dominant wives: 90% of them are all out monsters.
I am quite sought after in vanilla relationships and in bdsm had more slavegirls than I care to count, so, really, the problem is hardly me.
Women are not born to be dominant, period.
Astolfo
Some good points from both sides, and a lot of sour grapes. So sad. When I first got involved in the scene almost everyone was in it for the fun of it. Even Frank, the leather vendor in the corner of the old Hellfire club did his thing primarily for the love of it. Then bad times came and the scene changed in many ways.
ReplyDeletefemale domination became a cool way for women to make money. Men with their asinine willingness to offer money for such nonsense as "used" panties or foot "worship" (slobber) sessions didn't help matters
Real relationships do exist however, even today. Yes many women are "only in it for the money" and many "slaves" are only in it for the fetish. So yeah it does take work. The other tricky thing is that money is always a major part of a relationship dynamic. Women do bring forth living beings; the care for whom is part of how they're wired, even where no kiddies are desired. Besides no woman wants a schlub or a bum. No man wants just a golddigger. Somehow though it can on rare occasions with love still work.