Misc. Musings

Today I continued my new attitude of revealing all my darkest fantasies and Miss X has enjoyed them all which gives me a warm, loved feeling I can't really describe except to say that being so transparent AND being accepted makes me feel privileged.

There are many subs who withhold themselves for fear of ultimately being rejected for being "too" weird. Sadly, that can be a real danger as some women can become quite judgmental. Miss X is a delight in that being transparent with her is just more fullfilling, more wonderful. Lucky guy? Yeah, I am!

As we are currently apart due to business reasons, we had a great text exchange and conversation. She reiterated today how I simply can't satisfy her in the sexual needs department, taunting me about her desires to entertain herself with more worthy, bigger, younger well hung men. She laughed at my "catch 22" situation that the more big cock she has, the more rediculous it would be for me to fuck her. Why settle for hamburger when Filet Mignon is always on your plate?

I don't think I've ever met a woman who so genuinely loves to watch and play with a man's cock. In fact, she gets a big kick out of seeing a man cum (except me of course) Since she'll be back in town this weekend, I am tasked with writing a personals ad for her so that she can have a man or two come jack off for her. Obviously this is my duty as her slave, procurement of bigger guys to satiate her cock-lust.

Stay tuned.

Cummer's Remorse

Miss X is out of own and this morning I felt the overwelming undisiciplined urge to jack off. Tesed and denied subs will totally relate to what I call "Cummer's Remorse". The truth is I am submissive in my sexual thoughts 90% of the time, and this is amplified when I am teased and denied. However, immediately after I cum I feel a chemical let-down. A sense of remorse and rediculousness at my behavior prior. The orgasms feel great and even neccesary sometimes, but the feeling directly after climax and lingering for a short while is that of disdain for my submissiveness and a desire to foresake it and be the Type A macho guy.

That happened today, and it disappated within twenty mintures. Most men won't talk of this, but its important for Dommes to know. It is chemical, it is short lived and it is real.

There's no sense in getting angry at your bitch, leave him alone, then tease him back up and he'll be ready to be your bitch once more!

Fantasy: Total Cock Control

I woke this morning with a fairly unrealistic but powerful fantasy of Ms. X taking total control of my cock. Last week she teased me that I'll never have pussy again for the rest of my life. (meaning intercourse)

I envision this powerful world in which I am never allowed to touch my cock because it is no longer mine. She owns it, its Mistress' property. I envision a life as a quasi eunuch, trained to love the gnawing unrelenting desire and devotion to The Goddess.

Having her whisper sweetly in my ear that she loves my suffering and my tribute to her by making the ultimate male sacrifice. She giggles at my predicament, and relishes the lines of frustration that cross my face and she softly plays with my cock...and my mesmerized unspoken pleading.

Perhaps she'll allow me to sit on the couch and she'll take a a tiny drop of baby oil and lightly massage the underside of my cock, creating a throbbing bouncing cock, craving to be held or stroke..but no, she simply rubs the tender little spot that keeps me craving, occasionally making me beg to taste a drop of pre-cum,and then reminding me that no real man would be feed his jizz like a baby bird.

Other times she might use my desire for her sadistic desires. Perhaps she'll promise me a nice long stroke and maybe (maybe) release, only if I will take 50 hard swats with a paddle. My ass glowing red, my chance to cum still totally at her whim. Maybe I'll be made to beg for five more, ten more..and still I might be denied? Its up to Her.

Maybe she's feeling devilish and craving cock. So she has me stand in front of her and explain to her in detail why I am wholly inadequate to pleasure her. Maybe she explains she wants to give a mouth filling blow job, gives me a few little lick,s and then tells me her mouth is reserved today for an actual cock, not a tiny clitty dick.

Perhaps she makes the pronouncement that anytime I cum its a tribute to her, so no drop is to be wasted in the future and I must recycle every orgasms by licking it all up for her. Degrading? Yes. Difficult to do? Yes. Thrilling? Oh God yes...

I see this wonderland of enforced chastity where my only hope for release is by providing Miss X with quality service, devotion and humiliation for Her amusement. Floating though life resigned to being her trained bitch, while she proudly enjoys the deep gratifying pleasures I am continually denied.

Miss X orders me to foretell my humilaiting future.

The sublime Miss X had me write Her an ad tonight soliciting a man or men to come to our abode where she will entertain them with a delightful handjob to completion, something I rarely if ever get. (Miss X can't really be bothered with my small cock when there's such a nice variety of superior cock carried by real men in the world) I will be made to watch her stroke and pleasure the larger dick'ed gents with lusty greed in her eyes and a salivating mouth and when they cum, they'll cum on me in any fashion she chooses...steamy details to follow.

Its not always easy to admit or enact, but the truth is I love to show my devotion to Miss X by enduring humiliating situations. In the vanilla world, I am a pretty tough hombre' in business. So the transition to cum pig/humiliated bitch is not easy, but darkly deilicious and satisfying for us both.

As we are engaged to marry, we are contemplating future arrangements. She loves the whole concept of CFNM (clothed female, nude males) I envision a future of being made to be nude while in the house serivng her, parading my laughable little almost girlie cock around the house serving her as she pleasea.

I'm a big tall dude, so even more rediuclously, I have a fantasies of being made to wear panties as a unifrom and maybe even occassionally stockings. I have no interest in cross dressing (in fact that is pretty repulsive to me) But enuring humiliation for Her is very erotic and keeps me in my place.

The First day of the rest of my life...

This blog will be the discussion of living the Male Submissive Lifestyle from a sub male's point of view. My observation is that there are many fantastical blogs, posts and fantasy sites and that's all fun, but its usually not real. If I have a fantasy, it will be clearly marked as such.

But this blog will serve to document the practical lifestyle of submitting to a naturally dominate female. The foibles and the follies along with the soaring taboo delights. In short, its real.You can be assured that every emotion, every trial and tribulation, every subtle or grandiose experience documented really happened, unless otherwise noted as fantasy.

I am honored to serve my fiancee' Miss X. We've been together over three years and met via a Craigslist ad I had placed requesting that I be kicked in the balls!

At our first meeting, I was enthralled with this magnificent woman. And then we dated. Its been a mostly wonderful highs and some difficult lows, the lows mostly created by me being unable to fully express myself and my need for humiliation, training and my unusual sexual proclivities, most of which Miss X embraces and some of which she may not love, but understands.

The dynamics of a FemDom or D/s relationship can change dramatically once everyday love invades the mental play space. My writings are a living breathing tribute to her, to honesty and expression of one's needs, desires and ultimate fulfillment. To the magnificence of true love and devotion.

It is my intent that the erotic subject matter will entice you to come back and read, to be sure. But at a deeper level, I hope it help others, myself and my relationship with Miss X. I know there are other subs and Dommes struggling just as we have to make this lifestyle workable in the real world. To allow you to have the freedom to be you and enjoy each other. I know that my documentation of our experience together will be uplifting, sometimes cathartic, often entertaining and a testimony to the brilliance of knowing who you are , and the heady elixir of letting go and revealing yourself fully to the person you love without fear of stigmatism.

Recurring themes in our life include: Service , spanking (Miss X enjoys coroporal punishment in many forms) Cuckoldry (one of my favorites) and humiliation , something we both really enjoy and teasing, denial and chastity. In the vanilla world, we both enjoy travel, food, architecture,cinema, music and city life.

Lastly, new Dommes hoping to find a tack in the fickle winds of this lifestyle may find benefit from these missives, so follow along and enjoy. If you want to peek in the mind of a lifelong sub, here's your chance!